i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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