How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I AM VODKA MAN
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
