Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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