So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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