kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
