Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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