So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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