the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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