Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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