ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
