Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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