i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
