how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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