i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
