operation harelip BJ is a go
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dick very happy bro
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
