ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
