they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
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I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
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I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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