but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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