My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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