Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
