Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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