Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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