i don't plan on having that self control this summer
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
