Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
