when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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