you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
