I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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