we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
