Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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