im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
