I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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