you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
