Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
