So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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