I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize