Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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