i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
love makes seman taste better
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
