Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
