fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
