he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
