Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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