I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
