Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
