So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
