What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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