meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i barfeds in our rink
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
