Just fell off a train. Bad.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
