Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
