you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
