Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
