I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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