is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
