I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The air was thick with penises
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
