Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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