I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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