she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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