is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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