I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
