considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
