I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
