he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
