Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
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i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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