I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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