i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
