i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
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And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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