if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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